the absence of color
by sara campbell

it all started one dreary afternoon when the simple words "i call this meeting to order" were uttered. from then on, the entire world, or at least the small, relatively happy town of plunkenville was in complete chaos. this was no ordinary meeting in which the school board would discuss new currency for the cafeteria, or how they could figure out a way to screen students' phone calls so that they may better understand "teenage lingo." no, this was a far more serious matter. before, the school board was only worried with making themselves comfortable by way of making the students uncomfortable. but they had a taste of power and they liked it. almost in the same manner a natural vegetarian craves meat after consuming their first hot dog. and this is how the school board in the perfectly content town of plunkenville, texas came to suck the color out of the world.

they started at the bottom, where all good villains start, restricting the color of students' shoelaces, and the style in which their shoes were fashioned. "shoelaces are restricted to the colors of white, brown, and black," read the paper that was sent home with every student to be signed by their legal guardians. most parents signed the paper, not even bothering to read it. those that did read it didn't really understand the new rule, or care for that matter. what harm could come from restriction on shoelace colors. how ignorant people are when they have no idea what is at stake.

the school board went hog wild with this new rule. they had every teacher check every student's shoelaces in every class period. those with red shoelaces went to The Summit. those with green boinky shoelaces went to The Summit. anyone who did not have white, brown, or black shoelaces went to The Summit. the trouble arose when marvin simons, a young, timid fellow arrived at school with velcro shoes. the school board had not discussed this chance happening. it looked as if it was back to square one. so yet again, the board members sat down and discussed the dress code. they decided velcro was acceptable. but since they were being so lenient with the shoe parameters, they came to the conclusion that a new law was in order. all pants must be earth tone colors (e.g. khaki, black, navy blue, gray, brown, olive, or blue jeans), and must come exactly and only to the ankles. no outrageous pants styles, such as bell-bottoms or boot-cuts, are permitted. and all pants must be one hundred percent cotton. if necessary, a sample of pant fiber will be taken from every student every day and sent off to a laboratory, in which the pants could be tested for "provocative" materials such as polyester and rayon. another form was sent home for parents to sign, and all forms were returned promptly so that it could be placed in each student's file with the first form.

all, that is, except for one student, marvin simons. he was called into the office one thursday afternoon, to explain himself to the principal. why hadn't he turned in his pants release form? hadn't he caused enough trouble with his velcro shoes? and would he please stop shifting his eyes back and forth while talking? marvin kindly explained that his parents couldn't afford a pen, and so they had no means to sign the paper. the principal released marvin to class, but called an emergency meeting for the school board, in which they could talk about adding on more rules. the students were getting out of control, he said into the phone, and the only way to stop the madness was to enforce new rules. school was let out early that day, so that the school board could meet at 2:00p.m. and brainstorm new ideas.

in addition to the pants rule, they added a skirt rule. sll skirts and dresses must be pleated and come to the ankle, but must not touch the floor, as this could be a fire hazard, causing students to trip over the skirts, and not make it out in time. all dresses must have a high enough neckline to where the top of the collar touches the tip of the chin. the school board was in a good mood that day, and voted against restricting the colors of dresses permitted--for now, anyway. a sweater and jacket rule also went into effect. all sweaters must be a poly-cotton blend, and must come exactly two inches and 3 centimeters below the waistline. no outrageous ribbed knits are permitted, and sweater vests are considered gang-related, so they are also prohibited. all jackets must have zippers removed from them by the school, so that no one would put an eye out. and finally, a jewelry/facial hair/sock rule was created. no jewelry weighing more than 22.563 ounces. no facial hair at all, and those girls who do have it, must either bleach it, or schedule an electrolysis appointment with the school nurse. all socks must be white, and must fully cover the ankle, but only halfway cover the calve muscle.

when the students arrived the next day with bright smiles and full of energy, which they intended to use for learning, their teachers handed out a new form, with all the new rules and a space for parent signatures. all the students groaned at the extended list of rules for their attire. how would they ever remember all this? what if they wore the wrong color? the teacher answered all these questions. there would be a quiz over the new dress code every wednesday morning in first period. and they wouldn't have to worry about wearing the wrong color; because going into effect as of tomorrow was a new rule. and the "ender" of all rules. no more color. period. no student was allowed to wear any color, as someone in some city in south africa or france might be offended by the shade and sue the school. what the teachers didn't explain to the students was that the school board didn't intend to stop there. they wanted to suck the color out of every living organism in plunkenville, texas. the grass would no longer be green. the sky would no longer be blue. the red seats at the high school football stadium would no longer be red. and soon, the rule would go into effect in other cities circling plunkenville.

but one student would not stand for this. marvin simons stood on his desk and stared his teacher straight in the eye. his teacher began twitching and sparks began flying from her mouth. suddenly, an entire swat team ran into the room and dragged marvin out of the class. a new teacher was returned to the class, an exact replica of their former facilitator. something was not right. marvin was escorted into a giant room with a long silver table in the center. seated around it were the smallest, most cowardly men and women marvin had ever seen. this must be the school board, he thought. they all stared at him, and seemed terrified of what he might do.