30.05.2000

last night i had a wonderful time with my family. we went to a nursing home & brought some miniature american flags & thanked some veterans for their service to the u.s. it was wonderful. we visited mr. hanson, mr. dawson, mr. ayers, & mr. long. we all absolutely fell in love w/ mr. ayers. i hope maybe we can visit him again sometime. he sort of reminded me of grandpa. i love you, grandpa, and i miss you! can't wait to see you again (that'll be the day)! uh-oh, i'd better stop, tears are welling up in my eyes...

blink blink.

"you and the moon are a beautiful sight to me..."

i heard james galway playing syrinx on the radio today. it was so cool. man, i wanna play that solo next year! but that may not happen. cause last year i wanted to play the poulenc for contest, & it didn't happen, i had to just play it over the summer instead. but syrinx...there's so much you can do with that piece. and it's nice that it's unaccompanied. of course, it also helps if you have a gold flute. which i will never have, because i will never be a professional flautist.

i worked 7 1/2 hours today at the dh, and will probably put in a couple of extra hours tomorrow morning, getting the storage room cleaned out & organized. then i went to audrey's graduation tonight. it was a homeschool graduation, & there were only 12 graduates, but it took over 1 1/2 hours because the parents took about ten minutes each to say something to their kids before presenting them w/ their diplomas. some of the stuff was kind of funny, like the one dad who was talking about his son's accomplishments, "and you served the widows, like the Bible admonishes us to do..." then there was that other dad, "you've had such wonderful teachers and coaches who have taught you right. so IF YOU FAIL, it will be your own fault!" geez. it wasn't supposed to be funny, but curt & i were sitting in the back row just cracking up...

yay for audrey, audrey the jellybean! miss "i graduated from high school at sixteen..."

POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS

29.05.2000

quote of the day: "the way to a man's stomach is through his esophagus."--seth

got a 2 on my solo at state last weekend. the only reason i'm disappointed is that i didn't play my best, at all. i messed up in the second movement, and not even in a spot i didn't know. i totally could've done better. but life is life.

last night we had a concert of prayer at church (funny--the only time the youth ever attend sunday night church is when we have concerts of prayer), then i went to the grand w/ jason, anna, christie, matt, stephen, & ely. we saw mission impossible 2--it was pretty cool. jason bought lots of popcorn. anna was hilarious. but yeah. then on the way back we rode in jason's truck, & flipped radio stations. jason & anna sung duets on most of the songs. anna & matt did the music for the concert of prayer. anna has this amazing voice. it has a rich, rare quality...anyway it is just so beautiful.

"...that's one thing we've got..."

also i went to audrey's open house in the afternoon after morning church. jessica & i rode home w/ audrey, then helped decorate her house. it was so cute! the theme was these little smiley faces w/ graduation caps.

"sal! sal!"

"look, it's the police station!"

audrey is such a goober.

25.05.2000

school days left: 0! zilch! none! (yay)

"love always asks in the end that you be willing to let it turn to sorrow, and that you let that sorrow bear you all the way down to the very bottom of its poverty."--jerome a. miller

oh gosh, we i just heard that taylor probably only has about two more days to live. he's on oxygen all the time now, but his lungs are filling up with fluid. they have him back on the morphine to control the pain. it's so ridiculous to think of, little taylor, dying a week before his twelfth birthday. oh God, we've prayed for years! Father, is this truly the best thing for him, truly the thing that will bring the most glory to You? Father, do you really love him that much that all You want is for him to be with you, to go Home prematurely? but then nothing happens prematurely in Your sovereign plan. Daddy, really though...but thank You so much for all You've given taylor, and how amazing You've made that kid. give His parents & brothers grace, especially his dad--give them grace and wisdom to live through the next few days...weeks...months...years...for this is something, someone, they can never forget, someone nobody can ever forget.

"yes, we should like to see a burning bush-type sign...but anything would be fine"--sixpence

had a delightful afternoon today with a friend. very fun indeed. then i went to d'ville graduation. and it was all good. and a little tearful. the whole time i thought, two years, two years & it'll be me...(but cherie won't be there, nor will her house...)

someone gave me yellow flowers. they were left over.

the end.

24.05.2000

school days left: 1

>> dress code sucks.

haha. i only had to go to school for three hours today. and half of that time was purely optional. it's amazing how much better you feel when you don't have to waste half your day in such a prison.

yesterday in english we watched the simpsons version of lord of the flies, since we just finished reading the book. it was pretty funny (of course). most of the jokes, though, you couldn't really get if you hadn't seen the show. like the conch shell & the shape of the island & the pig thing & the chant, etc. but yeah. then i went home and watched the simpsons that night and it was the 101 dalmations version. burns was cruella devil (of course). hehehe...

23.05.2000

school days left: 2

quote: "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"--freud

(try telling that to an english teacher!)

we had our last mk Bible study last night, and the last one dan & robin will lead, since they're moving to washington state over the summer. it was really neat...and kinda sad. everything's ending right now...but summer's beginning! can't beat that.

and i have no homework anymore, none whatsoever. the only thing i have a deadline on now is to practice my solo & ensemble for state, which i am rather looking forward to...yea...and i'm working 22 hours next week. that is good, very good.

(astillasyetdevelopinglistof) GOALS FOR THE SUMMER

clean room
read the two towers
redo this webpage
teach myself guitar

enjoy yourself, and remember..."cheese is good."

22.05.2000

school days left: 3

i made wind ensemble for next year. yea! i think it will really grow my musicianship a lot. i know this last year in honors has. i think i've learned so much this year under mr. merrill, more than any other year. i love honors, and i almost don't want to leave...but i'm really glad about wind ensemble. i can't wait til senior year when i can take music theory ap.

i guess that's all for now. peace...

21.05.2000

days left of school: 4

had our last ministry team of the school year tonight. kinda weird, i guess, since half the ministry team consists of graduating seniors. this morning was graduation sunday, where they recognized all the seniors in church, and in sunday school we spent the whole time talking with the seniors. i mean, they & us both said thank-yous, & gave advice, etc, etc. it was a very emotional time. all of this year's seniors, every single one, is a big leader in the youth group. it will be hard to lose them...but then, we go through this every year at this time.

went up to see robin yesterday night. poor thing...she's recovering well, and is expected to be healthy now that they've corrected the malrotation problem. she's been sick since, like, last october or something, hasn't been able to eat or sleep, but at least she'll get better now, we're praying. she's just so pale and weak, and her eyes look so tired. but she's beginning to be able to talk again now, though it's hard to understand at times. she's been in the hospital almost two weeks now, and cannot leave until she regains full use of her intestines and they can disconnect the central line to her heart. it's kinda scary to think, she's only 16, and she could've died. but hang in there, girl! through God's grace, you'll make it!

17.05.2000

days left of school: 6

i know now how i can start to love her. i can pray for her. Jesus said, "love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who persecute you..." not that it's that bad or anything, but the principle's still the same. as i pray for her and begin to think of her needs & interests, i believe God will soften my heart. in fact, i know God will soften my heart. He's started already.

"my son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. for the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for He guards the course of the just and protects the way of the faithful ones. then you will understand what is right and just and fair--every good path. for wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you."--proverbs 2:1-11

this passage is new on my list of favorites. i ordinarily don't read proverbs that much because it just seems like so much of it is like a bunch of sayings that don't flow together in any specific way. but this passage is amazing. i've never before thought of searching for wisdom before. i just thought it was something you acquired as you went along through life. so this is such a cool concept for me. each time i go to read the Bible now, i ask the Lord to show me His wisdom for the day, that He will help me find it, and that i will avidly search for it.

tonight was our last huddle for the school year. we met at esther's, then went out to eat at chip's. we had fun, and everybody was there (except dolline...but she's a little bit of a different story...). but somehow it didn't seem as much like a completion. like last year, at cherie's, we had our proper little english tea party, and then we had that whole "passing on the baton" ceremony. the whole thing was very emotional and it was like such an end to everything. i guess this year was just different all around. of course it was; every year is. they all have their different personalities. last year was, for the most part, terrible for school, but great as far as youth group stuff went: especially huddle. this year was better for school i guess, probably because i'm going to a better school (9th grade school sucks!!!). but it has definitely had its down moments. i would really like to have a fantastic summer. but only i can make it that way...

16.05.2000

>> "i saw the world through my window/i saw the world on parade/with all of its beauty and all of its power/and all of it fading away"--rich

school days left: 7

today we had our last morning prayer time. who knows what will happen next year w/ cherie & jerry moving? they've had it at their house the past 3 yrs & now what will happen to it? of course, most of the people who go are seniors now so...there'll just be me, wes, christie, & robin. maybe some new people will decide to come. that would be nice. it's just so weird that they're moving, though. this morning curt & i pulled the "for sale" sign out of their yard & brought it into the house, telling them we'd like to know what the heck it is, and what the heck it's doing in their yard. it's just so wrong.

i made squad leader for next year, which i'm glad about. it's gonna be fun, i think. and it'll be a state year, so that's especially exciting. gotta learn them freshmen good. but i just feel bad because i know of a couple of people who wanted it much worse than i did, and they didn't make it. they would've been good squad leaders, too, i think. but hah, at least i'll have a good excuse to skip out on the annual family reunion!

band banquet was fun, i guess. having it at the infomart this year was way better than at the d'ville holiday inn! it was just fun to get all dressed up and go somewhere fancy. it was just nice to go out and feel beautiful.

09.05.2000

oh, joy! some people who lived next door to us in the philippines 10 years ago are here for a week. i saw them when they ate at the d.h. the other night. it was so cool, though, to see them."how long have you been back now? ten years? so i guess this must be home now, huh?" smile and nod, smile and nod. of course. once you've lived in a country for ten years, it automatically becomes your home. note the sarcasm.

ten years. gosh, that's a long time. that's way, way too long. and very hard to believe. the thing is, this isn't home. i don't know what is, but it's not this. i feel in no way that i am a texan (heaven forbid!), nor really a duncanvillian. sometimes i even find myself looking at america almost from an outsider's perspective. so where is my home? i don't know. i don't feel i really have any. i mean, people ask me where i'm from, and i really have no idea. my family is from kansas city, i was born in manila, and i live in texas. but none of those places feel like home to me. you might think this would make me feel a little insecure and lonely, and occasionally it does, but mostly i just don't think about it. and i know it's the same way with most other mks. i was talking to stacy (she's in college here & is an mk from portugal), and it's the same with her.

you know, sometimes i think my dad and i are kind of alike in some ways, but neither of us has any idea how to communicate with the other. so it's sort of a two-way problem.

i did, well, better than most people, on the practice ap english test, i've had some really good conversations with people lately, i've discovered that i like jellyfish (they're such beautiful and exotic creatures, absolutely amazing)...